Current mood:	lonely
Current music:	Father of Mine - Everclear

Well what is happening...
Haven't been feeling good as late. Feeling somewhat out of place and loner-ish. Have dance concert soon and i really odn't want to do it because I'm so dud. Like ok admittedly this is partially my fault but also in the same sense i didn't realise that dropping back from two lessons to one would stop be from getting any solos or, anything for that matter. I have five dances and i think that is the least i've danced in many years. I'll take up more classes next year but i feel that it is somewhat futile because i'll never get a lead and i'll be lucky to get a solo because A) i'm not flexible enough B) my technique isn't good enough C) I'm not good enough at pointe D) I'm not the right body shape so i dont fit into any of the costumes and E) I'm not enough of a favourite. Oh well, shit happens.

So i quit swimming for the final time a couple of weeks back, it was pretty depressing because my coach didn't care in the slightest so i was a bit like wow thanks. Makes me regret giving up the good thing i had late last year. I guess it was inevitable though, i didn't have time.

I can't wait until the holidays. I'll have to make plans to get out and do things. I'll catch up with people and i maybe i'll try to get to the rockclimbing place at least once. I have to clean up room since it looked like a bomb hit it after exams.

I feel just lost and unsure of my place in the endless flow of things. I need something and swimming can't be my scapegoat anymore.