Birthday was two days ago. It was alright, I'm pretty over birthdays I always get way more excited about it than its worth. Got some cool presents and stuff.
So sick of school and everything at the moment. I'm stuffed for maths, i can't keep up and i don't understand it. I just feel like I'm not good enough for anything. I'm really tired which doesn't help. Chorals was on tuesday, was lots of fun and nerieds won! For our dancing we got 10/10.
Another thing bothering me is all of this money I've agreed to be putting towards different causes. Eg Fionas birthday and Erica to see a neurologist. We're apparently raising $200 for Fiona to take to central and hoping to raise $1000 for Erica's neurologist. This causes me grief for two reaons (i realise this is going to sound selfish but i'm over it) Apart from the fact the guy whos organising is has a job and money falling out of his pockets so money is no issue - 1) I don't have a job and sure $20 for Fionas present i can handle but for Erica's thing the aim is for each of us to put in $20 a month til the end of the year. I have no income except for the $100 a month i get for pocket money and thats meant to be for birthday presents, clothes, movies and basicaly anything i want. Taking away $20 a month leave $80. This means $80 for movies, birthdays (and theres always at least two a month im putting money towards) or something else. Also my second point which is my selfish point - 2)What upsets me is everyone involved with either (the birthday and the neurologist thing) wouldn't do the same for me. I got $60 for my birthday from the same people (except some didn't contribute) but it still wasn't $200 and i am so grateful that i even got it i appreciated it so much but its a huge favouritism thing - they're making more of an effort, putting in twice as much and getting more people for her. It's not even the money itself its just that the whole thing and effort they're going to i know they care about her more. Like the reason they were trying to raise so much was cause "her parents are taking her to the physio and didn't want to give her much spending money" my parents arent giving me any spending money for central either? I dunno its hard to explain with out me sounds like a jealous bitch. With the neurologist, i can't afford $20 a month. Plus they weren't into my idea of fund raising. Seriously, when mum and dad stopped leftting me go to the physio when my knee was still wreaked, no one gave a damn and theres no chance this guy whos idea is was would have done this for me. By the way i know i sound selfish and concieted.
I had musical rehersal today, hopefully it'll turn out good. I screwed up all three of my dances today though and its really getting to me because i just feel I'm not good enough to be there. I really can't sing and i can't seem to get the dances or the right attitude and facial expression for it and i just feel shit.
I'm just tired of everything.. sometimes i wish i could just go by myself overseas or out into the country and just get away from everything. Somewhere where i didn't have to be around people all day and where i didn't know anyone and where i had no problems. I wish i could drop out of school, i feel too crap to be there.
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pink_spiral) wrote,
tired
