2006

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
School musical, central australia trip, saw Tim Freedman play, bought a ticket to BDO 2007, OD'd on caffine, surfed on my own surf board

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't keep them whatever they were. I think I'll try to make realistic ones and stick to them

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, maybe an aunt or cousin did... I can't keep track. Oh, Marama's Aunt did! I've seen her more times than my relatives anyway!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
The desert. It's a whole different continent out there.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A job, good school results, overall happiness

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I didn't do anything overly memorable.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Quitting swimming.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Going back to swimming and fucking up my dancing year and concert

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My skin has been a real bitch especially of late and i now have an iron deficiency.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Little Cloud

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Anyone who doesn't hate me right now

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I think most of us know who that is

14. Where did most of your money go?
Coffee... I wish I could say more but that's about it

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
This years been a bit of a dud year

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Beauty in Me - The Whitlams

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder – Probably Sadder
b) thinner or fatter – Fatter
c) richer or poorer – Poorer
Haha hopefully things will start to look up next year

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sport and staying in touch with friends

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being slothful

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Xmas at our family friends house then went home and slept and watched Empire Records.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
I think I realised what I'd had all along

22. How many one-night stands?
None

23. What was your favourite TV programme?
Friends, Gilmore Girls, House

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hating takes a bit too much effort, I went through disliking a few more people, now it's just indifference

25. What was the best book you read?
I Escaped Auschwitz

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Billy Joel, I've also listened to a bit more Augie March

27. What did you want and get?
Freedom and spare time, bathers, more dance classes

28. What did you want and not get?
Satisfaction with freedom I had from quitting swimmng, more sleep

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
None stick out.. I liked Step Up I guess

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 15 and we won chorals

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More time and being able to continue with swimming with one of three of my old coaches

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Whatever I can buy with money left over from other expenditures

33. What kept you sane?
Ari and Jess

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
The guy from Bend it like Bekham

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Global Warming and the Kyoto Protocal

36. Who did you miss?
A lot of people

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Ari and Jess

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Time waits for nobody and happiness is in knowing everything has a way of working itself out

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
So no one told you life was going to be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

I'll be There for you - Rembrandts

Well what is happening...
Haven't been feeling good as late. Feeling somewhat out of place and loner-ish. Have dance concert soon and i really odn't want to do it because I'm so dud. Like ok admittedly this is partially my fault but also in the same sense i didn't realise that dropping back from two lessons to one would stop be from getting any solos or, anything for that matter. I have five dances and i think that is the least i've danced in many years. I'll take up more classes next year but i feel that it is somewhat futile because i'll never get a lead and i'll be lucky to get a solo because A) i'm not flexible enough B) my technique isn't good enough C) I'm not good enough at pointe D) I'm not the right body shape so i dont fit into any of the costumes and E) I'm not enough of a favourite. Oh well, shit happens.

So i quit swimming for the final time a couple of weeks back, it was pretty depressing because my coach didn't care in the slightest so i was a bit like wow thanks. Makes me regret giving up the good thing i had late last year. I guess it was inevitable though, i didn't have time.

I can't wait until the holidays. I'll have to make plans to get out and do things. I'll catch up with people and i maybe i'll try to get to the rockclimbing place at least once. I have to clean up room since it looked like a bomb hit it after exams.

I feel just lost and unsure of my place in the endless flow of things. I need something and swimming can't be my scapegoat anymore.

Dad has just brought in a decaf skinny capp for me. Much love.

In a really shit mood, too long to explain. Mum comes home and was in a bad mood. I'm like wow he hasn't even been gone 12 hours, I didn't realise her bad moods were an automatic responce of him leaving the state now. I thought stress had to build up. Clearly not. Comes home all pissed off because apparently it's my fault the phones been off the hook and yeah, maybe i should have my mobile on me but whatevs. Anyway found out later that was her trying not to vent her stress on me, explaining it was because she'd travelled an hour and a half in the car on the freeway. I'm like i know, it isn't different to every other day you come home in a bad mood. It isn't my problem you took a job in sunshine.

I need a day off school soon and I need a bag of mnms or something.
I just need something. Contemplating going back to brentwood, I could take up swimming again plus they offer all the subjects i want in VCE.

I need something to vent my anger on.

Haven't written anything in a while, so heres the happenings:

Musical last week, it was heaps of fun and I'm going to miss it but what can you do.
Have lots of stuff on/due next week... I'm sure I'll manage.
I have been banned from going on any excursions that aren't compulsary until the end of term by my coordinator. As if she can even do that, its cause I've apparently missed too much school.

Performing at Fed. square sunday-week. Fun fun. Dance is always a great self esteem boost when you don't fit into any of the costumes and you have paper thin girls around you going "Don't worry, you'll fit into this one." Which I didn't. Plus one Friday I wasn't there they changed half the dance so I'm no longer in the front, they changed the steps and I'm on the opposite side which is always fun, re-learning steps. Oh well like I care, I'll either give up ballet or only do one class a week next year after grade eight anyway. On that note, hopefully I'll be starting a hiphop class next term.
I'm really unfit now I don't do sport but there isn't really much I can do about that. We had a dance performance today, I don't think I did that well but I wouldn't know since no one I'm really friends with watched it so I can't really ask.
I'm suffering from bad lack of sleep and I'm not going to catch up for atleast a week.

My ear's infected and I spent this afternoon squeezing some liquid out of a bubble next to my earring. I don't really want to take it out unless I had to though so I won't unless it gets unbearable.

I want a talent and to be doing something I enjoy. Find it for me.

Back from camping. It was nice to get away from melbourne and the internet. It rained a lot on friday (like all day) and patchy all weekend as well as being rather windy a lot so i ended up getting all of my math (3.5, 3.6, 3.7, 3.8, 3.9) done. I almost went insane. I also did a lot of revision for my science yesterday which was good.

It's only 7pm but im thinking of going to bed soon; I'm tired even though i had 10 n half hours sleep last night and around 12 hours for the two days previous.
I bought a skirt from St Vincent de Paul today for $2 which i was quite proud of. I also bought four pairs of earrings on sunday at the market in a nearby town.
I have lots of easter chocolate left.
Today i had gummi bears.
I might just veg out for a while with some chai in front of the tv.

Changed my LJ colours... they aren't very nice at present but hopefully it's temporary, or at least temporary until i change it to something good. I was thinking about writing something which isn't quite coming to me but I'm brain dead so I'll be off.
I think to minimize my wasted time and frustration with people I'm going to cut down my msn/internet usage.

Toodles.

Birthday was two days ago. It was alright, I'm pretty over birthdays I always get way more excited about it than its worth. Got some cool presents and stuff.

So sick of school and everything at the moment. I'm stuffed for maths, i can't keep up and i don't understand it. I just feel like I'm not good enough for anything. I'm really tired which doesn't help. Chorals was on tuesday, was lots of fun and nerieds won! For our dancing we got 10/10.

Another thing bothering me is all of this money I've agreed to be putting towards different causes. Eg Fionas birthday and Erica to see a neurologist. We're apparently raising $200 for Fiona to take to central and hoping to raise $1000 for Erica's neurologist. This causes me grief for two reaons (i realise this is going to sound selfish but i'm over it) Apart from the fact the guy whos organising is has a job and money falling out of his pockets so money is no issue -
1) I don't have a job and sure $20 for Fionas present i can handle but for Erica's thing the aim is for each of us to put in $20 a month til the end of the year. I have no income except for the $100 a month i get for pocket money and thats meant to be for birthday presents, clothes, movies and basicaly anything i want. Taking away $20 a month leave $80. This means $80 for movies, birthdays (and theres always at least two a month im putting money towards) or something else. Also my second point which is my selfish point -
2)What upsets me is everyone involved with either (the birthday and the neurologist thing) wouldn't do the same for me. I got $60 for my birthday from the same people (except some didn't contribute) but it still wasn't $200 and i am so grateful that i even got it i appreciated it so much but its a huge favouritism thing - they're making more of an effort, putting in twice as much and getting more people for her. It's not even the money itself its just that the whole thing and effort they're going to i know they care about her more. Like the reason they were trying to raise so much was cause "her parents are taking her to the physio and didn't want to give her much spending money" my parents arent giving me any spending money for central either? I dunno its hard to explain with out me sounds like a jealous bitch. With the neurologist, i can't afford $20 a month. Plus they weren't into my idea of fund raising. Seriously, when mum and dad stopped leftting me go to the physio when my knee was still wreaked, no one gave a damn and theres no chance this guy whos idea is was would have done this for me.
By the way i know i sound selfish and concieted.

I had musical rehersal today, hopefully it'll turn out good. I screwed up all three of my dances today though and its really getting to me because i just feel I'm not good enough to be there. I really can't sing and i can't seem to get the dances or the right attitude and facial expression for it and i just feel shit.

I'm just tired of everything.. sometimes i wish i could just go by myself overseas or out into the country and just get away from everything. Somewhere where i didn't have to be around people all day and where i didn't know anyone and where i had no problems. I wish i could drop out of school, i feel too crap to be there.

Have a happy easter.

Things feel really out of control at the moment. I have an entire science assignment, four math exercises, an english debate, a food tech assignment and god knows what else due in the next week and yeah it'd do-able but i have a packed weekend and I'm really fucking lazy. Oh and chorals is on tuesday and rehersal for most of the day sunday.
Musical stuff is fun for the most part however we keep getting told how crap we are and how the show probably isnt going to be any good. Meh oh well, it's the ride that counts.

Wondering what I'm doing with everything. Not going to keep swimming after this term, I find it really boring. I'm going to look into more dance classes, maybe find a class at Wendons considering it's close.
Got ID cards back today, mines ok apart from the fact I look like I'm wearing a wig.
My ear still hurts when I touch it and absolutely kills me if i hit it against something eg hug someone.
Birthday on tuesday, really hope i get a good cd of some sort but i doubt it.
I've been really jaded for the last few days, just every little thing is really getting to me. Just sick of everything and everything just annoys me.

I want new stuff.

Decided I should write more often.
Realised last night I'm completely over swimming. The only thing I miss is the sport, the people sucked... apart from Hayley Jess and Jordie. Gonna get off my ass soon and do some cleaning. Was hoping to get up at a reasonable hour... technically i did, I got up at 5:50, had a shower and went back to bed... don't ask why, I just did. But then i went back to bed and justifying with the fact I was up earlier, I didn't get up with my alarm at 8:30. So I hit snooze and it woke me up every 10 minutes for the next hour. Dad then asked me if I had trouble getting up this morning.... maybe.
By the way, John Farnhams cover of the Whitlams song "No Aphrodisiac" is BAD. Horribly, horribly bad. If it was his own song and I didn't love the Whitlams version, it might not be so bad but yes... not happy.

Peace out.

• Get up at reasonable hour.


• Finish cleaning room in the morning


• Practice my dance stuff for an hour as part of duke of ed. Get Estude
  Lyrique right, fix arabesque. If bored with that, do pointe work.


• Do math


• Do german essay


• Write in book


• Perhaps go to Nys's house warming


• Do some walking


• Try and drink lots of water

Sunday

• Get my ears pierced


• Buy Whitlams album


• Buy hair dye


• Start on Science


• Start on comm games ass.

Hopefully I can knock off some of these things of my list by the end of the
weekend. .

Anyway in other news, trying to find another sport. Trying to make sense of
everthing including what I actually want at the moment and what others want. And
why people keep fucking around with my head. I'm really frustrated with
everything at the moment and sick of people. Sick of most people. Sick of having
all these commitments and sick of not having others.

Perhaps it's just an weird phase, in which case, talk to me in a couple of
weeks.

I hate some people. How they treat me, or I hate myself for seeing them that way. I hate my way of blocking people out, I hate my perception of myself and others. I hate everyone elses perception of me. I hate school. I hate not being able to do sport. I hate my lack of will power. I wish some people would actually value the fact I'm alive and willing to still talk to them, I wish they'd realise that they were wrong and not treat me as that ever loyal friend who'd still be there even if they dragged you through mud; because I have a short attention span and I'm about to lose patience.